


chrysalis

by recklessiris



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Atlantis, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 00:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15522405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessiris/pseuds/recklessiris
Summary: Haruka was set to inherit a kingdom he wanted nothing to do with, on an island hidden from the rest of the world. Content to spend all day in the sea, he believed that the only worthwhile thing in his life was the ocean.Makoto was just trying to help a friend.





	chrysalis

Haru crawled out of the tides, pulling himself up onto soft, white sand before finally giving into his body’s demand for rest and flopping down, using the rest of his strength to roll onto his back. The late afternoon sun warmed his skin without threatening to burn it and all Haru could hear was the waves beating against the shore. He closed his eyes and felt at peace, wondering if he could just sleep on the beach, if anyone would even notice. 

 

Too quickly, someone proved that they would. Over the din of the waves, Haru heard someone’s footsteps approaching, the sound muffled by the sand. Whoever it was finally reached Haru and stood over him, blocking out the sun so that even with his eyes closed, he could tell that someone was there because of the lack of light behind his lids.

 

“Get up,” The person’s voice commanded. Of course Rin had been the one sent to retrieve Haru from the sea.

 

“Can’t,” Haru replied simply, and it was true. His muscles wouldn’t accept any more work.

 

Rin sighed, clearly annoyed, but sat down in the sand next to Haru anyways. He would’ve preferred to be alone, but if he had to share someone’s company, he supposed Rin wasn’t so bad. 

 

“You can’t keep doing this. One day you won’t come back.” Rin told him, though his voice didn’t hold a nagging tone, “The sea won’t always want to give you back to the land.”

 

“Doesn’t sound so bad,” Haru murmured, feeling the brush of saltwater lapping against his toes.

 

“Don’t say shit like that.” Rin snapped, his tone sharper, “You know we need you.”

 

Haru turned his head weakly to face Rin and blinked his eyes open. 

 

“Sorry,” He said, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

Expect, he really wasn’t sorry, and he really kind of did mean it like that. Just a few years ago, when Haru was fifteen, his grandmother got up in the middle of the night and walked out to the beach and let the sea take her. They only ever knew that was what happened because she had woken up Haru as she was leaving and told him she was just going to watch the tides. The only trace anyone ever found of her were her footprints leading to the water.

 

Everyone said it was an accident. Even Haru’s parents refused to entertain the thought that maybe she _wanted_ stop living, that maybe she was ready. Haru never told anyone except Rin that he knew better, that he knew his grandmother walked into the waves willingly. 

 

Haru had wondered about that night ever since, wondered what made his grandmother finally give herself over to the ocean. When he was swimming sometimes he pondered what it would feel like if he just stopped and let the current drag him down. It wasn’t something he could vocalize, of course, everyone would just fret over him more than they already did. People weren’t allowed to think about suicide on Idra.

 

And it wasn’t like Haru wanted to die. It was just like there was something missing, something he couldn’t quite grasp, and when he was in the ocean, under the waves, and everything was quiet, it was like his fingers were almost brushing it. Like it was _right there_ in front of him, but he couldn’t quite make it out. 

 

But princes, especially princes who had no other siblings to replace him, were not to concern themselves with such things. Unfortunately for Rin, as his best friend and future advisor, that meant that he had to make sure Haru didn’t drown.

 

“You have to be careful,” Rin said, his voice more gentle, “You’ve got a kingdom to inherit.”

 

“What if I don’t want it?”

 

Haru didn’t mean for the words to come out like that, or at all, for that matter. Lately, things like that had been slipping from his mind and out of his lips without his permission. Maybe it was his mind protesting against the fact that he had to be king one day. 

 

Rin slowly exhaled. Haru could tell he was getting increasingly irritated.

 

“It doesn’t matter what either of us want.” He said, “We don’t get to chose, you’re going to have to learn to accept that.”

 

Part of Haru knew that he was being a little ridiculous. He was a prince, set to inherit a prosperous kingdom full of people who loved him. He had loyal friends like Rin and he hadn’t had to experience much tragedy in his life, besides his grandmother’s death, which had seemed for the most part, a peaceful way to pass. His parents were distant, but they were busy people, distracted with running a kingdom. Haru had never wanted for anything all his life, he had always been provided for. 

 

Maybe that was why the need to reach out and touch whatever intangible thing that was there when he was in in ocean was so strong. Whenever he looked out onto the horizon and just saw water meeting the sky, all that blue made something ache in his heart and he didn’t know why. It was hard to explain to anyone else why he swam until he had to drag himself out of the sea because he was too weak to walk, whatever made him stay among the currents was indescribable. 

 

Rin sighed, breaking Haru out of his reverie.

 

“It’s going to storm.” He said, moving the conversation elsewhere. 

 

Haru tilted his neck up and squinted out at the horizon where dark thunderheads were rolling in. The water had seemed more rough than usual today, perhaps they were the reason why. 

 

“Is it supposed to be bad?” Haru asked, trying to play along with Rin’s game of acting like nothing was wrong, like Haru wanting to never return from choppy seas wasn’t concerning him.

 

It wasn’t that Rin didn’t care. Haru knew he cared so much, too much. He had tried for years and years, had worked so hard to help him, had begged Haru’s parents to talk to him. They never did, brushing off Rin’s worries as just Haru being silly, saying that he would grow out of exhausting himself to near drowning while he was swimming. 

 

So Rin had tried to be Haru’s one and only support system. It had worn him down, trying to manage Haru’s issues when Haru himself didn’t want to address them. The death of his father still weighed heavily on him, and he could only carry so much. Haru didn’t blame him for not being able to dig him out of his rut, even though he could tell Rin blamed himself.

 

At first, when Rin had gotten that hopeless, dull-eyed expression, Haru had tried pretending that everything was okay. It never lasted for long, Rin could see right through the masks and the bullshit. There was a reason that he was set to be Haru’s advisor, after all. Eventually, they both stopped trying at such charades. Haru went on with diving to the bottom of the bay and Rin kept feeling useless.

 

There would be hints of it, though. Little bits of conversation where Rin would try to pretend that things were okay before he gave up. Haru was never very good at lying to him.

 

“I don’t know,” Rin murmured, looking out to sea. Sometimes he sounded as lost as Haru felt.

 

After his father’s death, Rin had begun hating storms. The intense loathing had mellowed out to an obvious dislike. They made him uneasy and moody, and pretty unpleasant to be around as a whole. He was good at spotting them, though, and could tell you if a storm was brewing before the clouds even crept up on the horizon. A minuscule change in wind was enough to tip him off by now.

 

It was a lie that he didn’t know. It was just that the storm _was_ going to be bad. Rin was disagreeable during a routine thunderstorm, but he became panicky and reclusive once the tempests became more violent.

 

“Dinner will be ready soon.” Rin spoke hollowly, his ruby eyes still focused somewhere around those dark clouds, “We should get going.”

 

Haru rounded up all the strength left in his sore, exhausted body, sitting up and pushing himself to his feet. While he couldn’t be bothered less by a little wind, lightning, and rain, he knew Rin would stay out here with him through the whole storm if Haru refused to move. Even if it was terrifying to him, Rin was always willing to suffer through the worst of things for him. Getting back home was the least Haru could do for him. As Haru picked up the remainder of his clothes scattered on the sand, Rin’s body relaxed fractionally.

 

They made their way inland without conversation, but it silence didn’t feel oppressive. Even with Haru refusing to change his ways and Rin becoming more and more defeated with each and every passing day, they were still the closest of friends. They were still each other’s confidants, more like brothers than friends. 

 

Haru redressed in his robes as they walked and without even saying anything Rin adjusted the fabric at his shoulder, making sure it laid correctly. He could feel the tension in Rin’s fingers, anxiety due to the coming storm apparent. Haru didn’t bring it up, worried it would only further upset him.

 

They left the beach and continued their walk back to the palace through a jungle path, nearly undistinguishable if you didn’t know the way. The trees and vegetation were dense, and frogs were croaking with the anticipation of rainfall. The rain forest trail led them to the outskirts of the city, where fishermen and their families were either preparing their dinner or preparing for the storm. Those outside their houses greeted Haru and Rin as they passed by before continuing with their tasks.

 

The spaced out homes become more closely pushed together as Rin and Haru entered the city. More people were milling about outside here. They weren’t able to hear the frogs singing of the coming rain, but they also didn’t fear the storms so much as those who lived further from the city’s center. Flooding and harsh winds were not such a concern as the buildings got closer together and the roads became more well-managed. Haru and Rin were also greeted here, but with more formality. Haru much preferred the fisherman’s casual words than the stiff ones those in the city had to offer. As they neared the palace walls, which were grand but simple, a mop of golden hair came racing towards them. 

 

Nagisa crashed into Haru, but he was prepared for it, so he only had to put one foot back to steady himself as the blonde wrapped him in a hug. It didn’t last long before he was pulling away and curling his arms around Rin. 

 

It took about a minute for Rin to actually get Nagisa to let go of him, but when the younger man finally decided to stop clinging to him and pulled away, he was wearing his signature smile. Nagisa was always glowing like it was the best day of his life.

 

“How was the beach?” Nagisa asked, as if Haru and Rin had gone to the moon. 

 

“It’s going to storm.” Haru shrugged, telling Nagisa so Rin wouldn’t have to talk about it any more than he wanted to.

 

“Yeah, I had to run to a bunch of neighborhoods to let everyone know it was going to be a rough one.” Nagisa said.

 

Haru almost raised an eyebrow at that, sensing Rin growing tense beside him. He knew that the storm was going to be loud and long from Rin’s earlier behavior, but he had never indicated that it would be so violent.

 

“We should get inside.” Rin said, his voice tight. 

 

Nagisa’s joy faltered for just a moment, concern for Rin spreading across his face. Although he wasn’t as close with him as Haru was, Nagisa was aware of Rin’s fears. Besides each other, Nagisa was Rin and Haru’s best friend. They had all become close when they were young, and they balanced each other out well. 

 

Without anyone being entirely aware of it at first, Nagisa became the royal page to Haru’s court as they grew older. He could run faster than nearly anyone else in the city and got messages delivered more efficiently than anyone else could. He could talk even more quickly than he ran, and nearly everyone he met had become endeared by his sunshine-bright personality.

 

“C’mon,” He spoke, the worry that had previously been displayed on his face replaced by happiness, “I’m starving.”

 

Nagisa led them through the palace walls, chattering about his day. The large doors manned by guards were closed after the group entered the royal grounds. The palace had been built on a lake made by water flowing down from mountain ice melt and forming a river. The lake led off into several tributaries that supplied the city with fresh water, canals running beside the roads. From there, the tributaries turned into creeks that led through the outskirts and the jungle, then into the ocean. 

 

The palace was beautiful, sprawling and inviting. The white stone it was primarily built out of was accented with teal. Plants were everywhere, as the flat, staggered roofs became lush gardens. A grand marble staircase led up to the center entrance, with two other staircases to the left and right of it leading to separate wings of the palace. Other buildings were spread across the grounds. An observatory, a temple, and library were just some of the structures separated from the main palace. 

 

They made their way up leftmost staircase. That wing housed the residential areas of the palace, where the royal family, the noble court, and the staff lived. As they stepped inside the palace, thunder quietly rumbled, nearing the island. Haru paid it little mind, but he did note that it made Rin even more tense.

 

Haru, Nagisa, and Rin’s quarters were all close to each other, and they usually took their meals in the nearby common area. It would’ve been more proper for Haru to eat with his parents, but ever since his grandmother’s death, he found himself feeling alone no matter if he was five feet or five miles away from them. He much preferred the company of his friends. 

 

That night, they settled down onto silk cushions and were served a platter of various fruits and breads before their main course, which was a bowl of cubed tuna mixed with various herbs and covered with a savory sauce. It was delicious, but just as they were starting to eat it, the storm broke over the island.

 

It was as bad as Nagisa’s words and Rin’s behavior had predicted. They were safe inside the sturdy confines of the palace, but Haru could still see that the howling wind and crashing thunder made Rin extremely anxious. Bringing it up would only stress him out more, so all Haru and Nagisa had to offer him for comfort was their company.

 

Eventually, they finished dinner, though Rin had mostly picked at his own. They stayed up awhile longer, waiting for the storm to finally calm down. It never did, the wind and rain staying persistent in their attack on the island. 

 

Exhaustion overtook Nagisa first, his long running route wearing him out. He dozed off on the cushions, looking much more innocent rather than impish. Rin sighed in frustration, knowing what a pain it would be to try and wake him. Rather than go through the trouble, he got paced over to Nagisa and picked him up to carry him to bed.

 

Haru followed him as they walked into Nagisa’s quarters, decorated in golden and rosy tones. Rin deposited him onto his bed gently, as if trying not to wake him even though Nagisa wasn’t even disturbed by the crash of thunder outside. Rin and Haru left quietly, pausing outside the door before they went their separate ways.

 

“Are you okay?” Haru finally asked.

 

“I’m fine.” Rin replied shortly.

 

At the look Haru gave him, he relented, rolling his eyes.

 

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

 

“Alright,” Haru said, reluctantly letting Rin have his way, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I better not have to retrieve you from the goddamn beach again.” Rin growled out.

 

“Sure.” Haru told him without meaning it at all, already walking away.

 

He made his way to his own quarters. The palace was quiet, the storm delaying most activities until it was over. Haru found himself soaking in the noise of the storm and the silence of the halls. It was similar to being underneath the waves, the tranquility and the solitude. He wondered what the sea would look like right now, wild from the storm, waves dark and unforgiving. He wouldn’t have a chance against them tonight.

 

He reached his rooms, the familiar silvers and blues greeting him. Slowly, he undressed, muscles sore from exhausting himself in the ocean earlier that day. Lightning flashed outside of his window and a few moments later, thunder rumbled. He wondered if they people outside of the palace felt as calm as he did, if the sounds of the storm soothed or scared them. 

 

Crawling underneath his blankets, his tiredness finally hit him. It had been easier to ignore how he had worn himself out while he was with Rin and Nagisa, but how, in the comfort of his own bed, enveloped in silk and soft cotton, he found his eyes drifting closed almost immediately. He hadn’t quiet lost the sensation of the waves from swimming in the sea, so he fell asleep to the sound of rain and the rocking of the currents. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think! :)


End file.
